Scott's Song
by KitLee
Summary: This is a fic about Scott and Lauren - don't want to give too much of it away - please r/r! I've fixed Chapter 3.
1. I'm too depressed to go on

Disclaimer: All characters are from "Boston Public" and are used here without permission. I do not claim to own them. The title titles of the chapter are lines from the song "Adam's Song" by Blink 182, which I do not claim to own.  
  
Author's Note: This is a fic exploring Scott's feelings for Lauren and vice versa. It's a little morbid, which is why it's rated PG-13, just to be safe.  
  
Scott's Song  
by KitLee  
  
Chapter 1 - I'm too depressed to go on  
  
*****  
  
How many times had Scott tried to talk a student out of just what he was doing now? It didn't really matter. He wasn't going to be detered from it just as they weren't. The mature vice-principal in his head was yelling at him. "Don't do this!" it told him.  
  
"Well, why shouldn't I?" I asked himself. "It isn't as if I have much to live for. The students hate me. The teachers hate me. And they ridicule me, of course. Including the love of my life. Why shouldn't I?"  
  
He wondered who would care if he'd died. Who would cry? Would George? Would Janice? Would Steven? He couldn't picture anyone else even caring that he'd died. Would Lauren? He tried to picture her crying over his death and failed. Most likely she and the rest of the teachers would be glad for the death of The Gestapo, Vice Principal Hitler.  
  
He stared first at the pills in his hand and then at the glass of wine beside him. In one quick motion, before he could change his mind, he dropped the pills in the wine and then gulped it down.  
  
*****  
  
Steven was worried about Scott. He'd never seen Scott so depressed and morose before. He tried to call him, but again and again no one picked up. Something told him that Scott wasn't okay, so he drove to Scott's apartment.  
  
He felt foolish as he ascended the steps. 'I'm just seeing if one of my best friends would like to go get a drink. I'm not checking up on him,' he told himself.  
  
When he got to Scott's door, it was only partially closed. Steven pushed his way in and stared in shock at the scene before him. Scott lay, crumpled on the ground, a bottle of wine and a bottle of pills lay next to him.  
  
Steven moved purposely to the phone and called for an ambulance. He bent over and tried to give Scott CPR. He wasn't going to let his friend die. 


	2. You'll be sorry when I'm gone

Chapter 2 - You'll be sorry when I'm gone  
  
*****  
  
The next morning, Lauren was walking through the halls with Harry, holding hands, laughing and talking.  
  
"Did you hear?" Marylin asked. "Steven's called an emergency faculty meeting this morning."  
  
"When is it?" Lauren asked.  
  
"Now," Marylin said. "In the teacher's lounge. Come on."  
  
"Oh great," Harry said. "Let's hope this doesn't waste too much of our time."  
  
*****  
  
It took several minutes for the faculty to gather in the faculty lounge. Steven wasn't even there. Everyone looked confused; no one could tell Lauren what this was about. When Steven finally arrived, he looked terrible, as if he hadn't slept all night.  
  
"I called you all in here today," he said solemnly, "to tell you about something that happened last night. Before Cheryl Holt can get a hold of this. You should be prepared. Last night - last night Scott Guber tried to kill himself."  
  
Gasps and cries of "Oh my God" could be heard throughout the room. Steven held up his hands for silence. "He's alright for now. Right now he's in the hospital, and the doctors think he'll be okay. I just wanted to let you know about this."  
  
*****  
  
Lauren was stunned. She couldn't believe this. How could Scott have - ? It just didn't make any sense.  
  
Harry put his arm around her. "Are you okay?" he whispered.  
  
She nodded and tried to focus on Steven's words. He was saying something about letting the students know.  
  
When the meeting ended, Lauren shook off Harry's arm and talk quickly to her classroom. She heard Marylin say behind her, "Just let her go Harry. She just wants some time to herself."  
  
When she passed the office, she couldn't resist the temptation to go in. She walked into his office and sat down in one of the chairs in front of the desk, as if she were just waiting for him to come in. Feelings of sorrow and grief overcame her. She'd been so cold to him. Maybe, maybe if she'd been nicer to him, or maybe if she'd gone on that date with him, he wouldn't have been possesed to kill himself. Lauren put her head down on his desk and cried.   
  
She didn't know why she felt so upset over this. He hadn't even died. All she knew was that she felt terrible. And she wanted to see him. No, she had to see him.  
  
The ringing of the bell to begin the day jerked her out of her reverie. She quickly tried to compose herself and walked off to class.  
  
*****  
  
After school she practically ran out of school and sped over to the hospital. When she got there, she just sat in her car, staring up at the building feeling foolish. What was she supposed to say to him? They weren't particularly close friends, and she had made it clear to him over the past several weeks that she wasn't fond of him at all.  
  
Finally, she screwed up her courage and just marched right in. She got his room number from the receptionist at the main desk. He was up in the psychiatric ward.  
  
The psychiatric ward was a pretty frightening place. She had to buzz just to get permission to enter, and then someone escorted her to Scott's room.  
  
Lauren stood outside it for several minutes. He looked so small and vulnerable lying in the hospital bed. Finally she walked in. He looked like he was asleep, so she pulled a chair over to his bed and sat in it patiently.  
  
Finally he woke up. He sat up and looked at her in confusion.  
  
"Miss Davis, what are you doing here?"  
  
"I - I wanted to see you Scott. To see if you were all right. We're all worried about you at Winslow."  
  
Scott lay back down in bed. "I'm sure they're all so concerned," he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
"Scott! Everyone is really worried. You know, you're not as hated as you may think."  
  
He smiled at her patronizingly. "That's nice of you to say Miss Davis."  
  
Rather than let that patronizing smile get to her, she quickly changed the subject. "So when do you think you'll get out of here?"  
  
"Probably in a few days."  
  
"Oh, well I hope you feel better soon."  
  
"I feel fine. They just want to keep me in here until they're sure that I won't do this again."  
  
"Will you?"  
  
"I don't know. I wouldn't have even thought myself capable of trying to kill myself once."  
  
"Oh."  
  
He looked at her. "Is there anything else Lauren?"  
  
"Oh, well, I just wanted you to know how much we all care about you and how much we are worried about you." She paused. "How much I care about you."  
  
He turned to her. "You - you care about me?" A wild look of hope flashed in his eyes.  
  
"Well - yes Scott. Of course I care."  
  
"Is - is it like - like a friendly care or like a boyfriend care?"  
  
"Scott! You know I'm dating Harry. How could you even ask such a thing?"  
  
"My psychiatrist tells me that I should just say what I feel. And what I'm feeling right now, is curiosity as to how you care about me." He took a deep breath before plunging on. "Lauren, I love you." Scott looked at her with such intense passion that she was almost afraid. Even Harry never looked at her with such pure and open love.  
  
"Scott, I - " Lauren wanted to just say him that she didn't love him. But a variety of feelings stopped her. The first was a fear of what he might do to himself if she just told him flat out that she didn't love him. But mostly, the reason she didn't tell him that she didn't love him was because she didn't know. While she did have feelings for Harry, she felt so worried and scared about Scott that it scared her.  
  
" - I don't know," she admitted.  
  
"You don't know? Why not?"  
  
"Because - because - "  
  
"Well," Scott said impatiently.  
  
"Because I think I love you!" Lauren blurted out. She clasped her hand to her mouth in shock and ran out of the room, leaving Scott behind saying "Lauren? Lauren? Come back here Lauren. What do you mean by that?" 


	3. Tomorrow holds such better days

Chapter 3 - Tomorrow holds such better days  
  
Lauren returned to Scott's room every day that week, although she never spoke to him. Everyday she would race to the hospital as soon as school was out, dodging Harry, Marylin and the rest of her friends. She would sit outside his room, trying to make sense of her feelings for him and for Harry. She would sit there for hours, until exhaustion and the nurses drove her to go home and get a few hours of sleep before doing the whole routine over again.  
  
Harry was understandably upset by this routine. He hardly ever got to see her. At first, he didn't even know where she went for so long every night. He and Marylin tried to corner her before she left two days after Scott's suicide attempt. She'd managed to rush away without having to answer their questions. She knew that they'd ask where she was going and why, and the truth was that she didn't even know why.   
He finally managed to corner her the day after that. When she told him that she was going to see Scott, he'd asked her "Why? It's only Guber, and he's gonna be fine."  
  
Why indeed? She thought back to what she'd told him that first day - that she loved him. Part of her rejected that idea. After all, she was with Harry. And she'd felt panic and fear when he'd asked her out the first time. So, if she did in fact love him, what had changed?  
  
Sometimes she would see Stephen coming to see how Scott was. Most days she managed to keep him from seeing her; she didn't want Scott to know how much she was obsessing about him. If she decided that she didn't really love him, that would hurt him too much.  
  
One night, though, she fell asleep in one of the chairs at the hospital, and Stephen saw her. He told Scott that she was there. Scott of course wanted to see her, but she'd woken up by now and had fled the hospital. Her emotions were still in turmoil. She wasn't ready to see him yet. She ran down the stairs and into her car. She sat there, thinking and worrying about what she was going to do, until finally she fell asleep.  
  
The next morning, she was awoken when one of the nurses noticed her still asleep in the parking lot in her car.  
  
"Miss! Miss!" she yelled at Lauren. Lauren woke up groggily.  
  
"Huh - what," Lauren uttered.  
  
"It's morning. Shouldn't you be at work or something?"  
  
"Oh my god!" Lauren exlaimed, and then raced off to Winslow. There was no time to go home and change. When she got there, it was already after 9. She ran into Stephen in her hurry to get to her class.  
  
"Whoa, whoa, Lauren, slow down," he said.  
  
"I can't Stephen. I have to get to my class - " she began.  
  
He shook his head and held up a hand to stop her. "I've already got a substitute in there." He peered at her. "You look terrible. Just go home and get some sleep."  
  
"Thanks Stephen, but I really need to teach."  
  
"You can't teach when you're this exhausted, and you know it. Now go home. I'm giving you the day off."  
  
So Lauren went home and collapsed into bed. And when she woke up, she was refreshed with a new sense of purpose.   
  
She took a shower and got dressed, and then she headed back to Winslow. She walked down to the dungeon and pulled Harry aside. She hated doing this to him this way, but it couldn't be helped.  
  
"Harry - I want to break up," she blurted out, after several moments of silence.  
  
An awkward pause followed. "Harry, did you hear me?"  
  
"Yeah Lauren, I heard you. Who - who is it?"  
  
"Who's what?"  
  
"Who's the guy you're dumping me for?"  
  
"Harry! I'm not dumping you for anyone. It's just that I don't think our relationship is working. We don't talk or share anything. And I'm at that point in my life when I want more than just sex in a relationship."  
  
There was a long pause. Harry looked stunned. "You'd better get back to class Harry," she said gently. She hated doing this to him, but it was for the best.  
  
"Yeah, okay," he mumbled, and then he shuffled back inside.  
  
Lauren then drove quickly over to the hospital. She rode the elevator up to Scott's room, rehearsing what she was going to say in her head. In the past several days she'd been coming there, the psychiatric ward had ceased to intimidate her. She walked purposefully to his room.  
  
When she entered, she saw that he was already up.   
  
"Lauren," he said, his voice full of happiness.  
  
"Hi Scott. Um, we need to talk."  
  
"All right. Have a seat," he motioned for her to sit, as if they were back in his office. Even in the psychiatric ward of the hospital he still acted as if he were in charge.  
  
"I've been thinking about what I said to you the other night. About how I loved you." She took a deep breath and tried another tactic. "This whole thing, you trying to kill yourself, has really shaken me. And for the longest time, I've been trying to understand that. I've been uncertain as to who I love - you or Harry."  
  
"Oh, well, Miss Davis - "  
  
"Please don't interrupt Scott. I just need to get through this all. I mean, on the one hand, I'm dating Harry. But I've been doing some crazy things lately - spending hours here watching you. And finally I realized that I while I do like Harry, I - I love you."  
  
"You what?"  
  
"I love you Scott."  
  
"Oh, Lauren," he said and then pulled her to him and kissed her. Then kissed over and over again.  
  
"I love you too Lauren," he said, when they paused for oxygen.  
  
She smiled at him. "Just promise me one thing."  
  
"Anything."  
  
"Promise that you won't do something like this again."  
  
"Of course I won't. I have you."  
  
"Scott - so this whole thing was about me?"  
  
She looked so guilty that he quickly assured her, "Oh no Lauren. I mean, part of it was, but that was just one woe out of many." He took her hands in his. "But now that I have you, I will never do anything to hurt you."  
  
"Good," she said. She leaned forward and kissed him gently. "Now get some rest. Once the doctors let you out, we can get some dinner some time."  
  
"Is that a date?"  
  
"Only if you're good." She smiled, kissed him once more and left. Scott lay back in bed and thought to himself "It's good to be alive." 


End file.
